PMDD Awareness Month

Having a disorder like PMDD is something women tend to keep private. We worry what others will think if they know how we really are.

I was diagnosed with PMDD 10 years ago, but rarely talked about it. I’ve had people tell me it’s not a real condition and that my doctor is a quack. But let me tell you, it is real, and it is hard to deal with.

April is PMDD awareness month. You may think this is no big deal, but to me it is. PMDD has made my life hell, for 2 weeks out of every month it comes with migraines, severe depression and even suicidal thoughts, irritability, excess hunger, feelings of hopelessness and a slew of other fun PMS symptoms. Some months are better than others, but I can tell you that I have damaged relationships because of it. Not saying it’s an excuse, but it definitely heightens emotions to the point they are out of your control.

I’m so grateful to have such an understanding, supportive, and sympathetic dad. He dealt with this with my mom and it helped him realize this isn’t just PMS. He knows how awful I feel, and tries to take it easy on me during my real bad months.

I hope that by talking about this condition more openly that people will be more understanding and have more discussions about it.

Seasonal Depression

I admit I get seasonal depression.  Wintertime is the worst time of year, I hate it.  I get into this funk and I don’t seem to perk up until spring rolls around.  I sometimes wonder if this would happen if I lived somewhere warmer.  Snow & I just don’t mix.

With that being said, the past 4 weekends in a row, I have spent at least 1/2 a day uncontrollably crying.  At first I just thought it was a rush of emotions because my aunt was in ICU, and I visited her 2 Sundays in a row, and after the 2nd Sunday, she passed away.  There’s been a lot on my mind and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it without coming off as 1. a complainer 2. suicidal (I am not, though) 3. being judged.

This past weekend, there was good reason for it though.  I was extremely disappointed.  So, every year I make a point to do something new, go somewhere new, and cross off items from my bucket list.  I’ve yet to go to an NBA game, and I specifically want to see the Bulls play.  I was supposed to go to Atlanta in January and hopefully see them play, but I got a bad case of the stomach bug the night before my flight and had to cancel my trip.  But, no worries because my friend invited me to a Celtics vs. Bulls game in March, complete with a morning brunch at an amazing place in Boston.  I was ecstatic.  We also got a huge deal on our tickets, and I would be meeting new people (the people we were meeting up with at brunch) and I love meeting new people!  So, Friday my friend purchases our tickets.  Saturday evening though, she texts me to tell me she isn’t going to get back from her work trip to Pittsburgh in time for our event.  I understand it’s work, and that’s something you can’t get out of but it’s absolutely devastating.  Also, how was it not written on your calendar, all this time?!

So I guess just the fact that my vacation to Atlanta had to be cancelled, and now these plans I was looking forward to got cancelled, I’m just not happy.  I am tired of disappointment.  Last year was a huge disappointment for me, and I was really hopeful that things were going to be better this year.  Is it because I’m hopeful that this affects me so much?  I don’t want to live life as a “glass half empty” person because that’s not me.  But being so hopeful leads to many disappointments in life.

Now, my seasonal funk…lately I have been feeling like, what is my purpose here?  What am I supposed to be doing?  I am INCREDIBLY SICK of routine.  Even if I had a day off of work, I know I wouldn’t be productive like I want to be (I can change that though), but I need a break.  A break from life, a break from work, a break from everybody I know.  I don’t want to sound morbid by telling my loved ones that “I don’t know what my purpose is, why am I alive.”  How would they understand?  Even if I did tell them, I’d get the usual suggestions like “go to the movies alone” or “take a class”.  I guess I need some guidance. Because I am tired of this incredibly boring day in and day out crap, but I don’t know what else to do with myself.

Anyway, that’s my complaint of the day.  I’ve been a major complainer lately…I blame the seasonal depression.

Roommates Part Two

Well!  We have a new shitstorm to deal with.  Remember my post about getting a new roommate?  It was supposed to be temporary, but he’s still there.  I used to like where I lived.  I don’t anymore, and I can’t fully blame the new roommate.  He’s nice, but he’s a bit messier than my other roommate & I (the one that shares a bathroom with me, not the landlord).  So the bathroom is gross.  On top of that, he uses my laundry supplies…um dude, go out and buy your own, you are not my husband!  And he’s also eaten my food and taken my drinks before.  Whoa.  I’ve never had this problem with a roommate before!!  And it’s so frustrating.  And I’m not one to have confrontation.  Instead, I’ve moved the laundry supplies into my room, and taken everything out of the pantry and into my room…inconvenient I know but I’m hoping to not live there much longer.

On top of this wonderful roommate issue, my other roommate (the landlord) let’s call him James.  His room is next to mine and the newer roommate (we’ll call him Joe), is on the other side of me (I have the corner bedroom).  So anyway, James has 3 alarms on his phone set.  The first one is a standard phone alarm, I sometimes don’t hear it.  It starts going off at 5/5:30am.  The 2^nd alarm is a Lindsey Sterling song.  I like Lindsey Sterling, but when you hear a song OVER AND OVER again EVERY SINGLE MORNING for AN HOUR each morning, yea not so much.  Then after that song goes off for an hour, another standard phone alarm comes on again lasting until 7:30.  7:30 is when I am supposed to wake up, but no, thanks to my roommate’s lovely 3 alarms that he NEVER HEARS…they wake me up.  This used to not bother me, because I slept with a fan on…well that fan broke, and they don’t really sell pedestal fans during the wintertime, so I’m screwed.  I’ve tried earplugs but they just fall out in my sleep.  So then, I hear Joe’s alarm go off around 7am.  I can’t catch a break.  Sometimes if James ACTUALLY wakes up for his alarm, he gets up and immediately goes to Joe’s room and says “Joe, are you up?” then talks about work (they work together, so they normally carpool).

Holy shit…I cannot tell you how annoying this is.  Every single morning.  EVEN ON WEEKENDS I hear James’s stupid alarms!!!!!

Now, that’s just some of my issues.  And it really could be worse.  But I’m just fed up.  So right before new year’s eve, James was in the kitchen with our other two roommates, Joe and Dan.  I could hear them talking from my room.  James brings up a party I had at the house with my family over the summer.  We have a pool, and we live in a house…so why not utilize it since nobody really does?  Apparently even though I asked permission, James had a problem with this.  Then goes on to say he doesn’t want me to have any more parties because “we are slobs” EXCUSE ME…my family and I cleaned up EVERYTHING and even did the dishes!  I had a game night a week before this, and you wouldn’t have even known I had people over because everything was cleaned up and put away.  He should talk…every time he has a party, there’s alcohol spilled on the counters, food left out, mess everywhere, and then he leaves food in the fridge FOR WEEKS.  I understand it’s his house…but are you effin kidding me?!  Not only did I find this incredibly rude, but it was hurtful, to call me, my friends and MY FAMILY slobs!  We are far from it.  So I politely text him and said, “If you have a grievance with me, please tell me, otherwise talk about me when I’m not here because it’s hurtful” he just responds with “ok”.  I was so angry that I grabbed my pillow and left and he was like so taken aback that I was leaving.  We haven’t really talked since.

I’ve been trying to find a new place to live because I just can’t take it any longer.  Ideally, I’d like to live alone but doesn’t seem like that will be feasible.  My rent is too good and within my budget to go elsewhere (everywhere else is wicked expensive)…so I’ve considered buying, but I have absolutely no money saved up.  So here I am, living in an unpleasant environment and I feel stuck.  Ugh!

The Joys of Being a Woman [note: sarcasm]

Don’t get me wrong, there are many days I feel blessed to be a woman and be who I am.  But man, there are some days that I’m just fed up!  This week is one of them.  So let’s start by saying, nine years ago I was diagnosed with PMDD.  PMDD is PMS on steroids.  Seriously, this is a real thing (look it up), for those of you who don’t believe me…well I feel sorry for you.  Even my dad is sympathetic; my mom also had PMDD but back then everyone just thought it was severe mood swings.  I am a completely different person when PMDD kicks in.  Not only do I have this lovely bs to deal with, it lasts about two weeks since I normally start pmsing right after ovulation finishes.

I think I mentioned in another post about having adult acne.  THE WORST.  Well, four months ago I started a birth control pill that is supposed to help with acne.  And it surely has, my skin is much clearer now and I only get one or two breakouts during my period, rather than a whole mountain range (haha).  However, before taking the pill, my cycle was completely normal and on schedule.  TMI, but, it was every 33 days and lasted about 3 days and was pretty light.  Well, now, thanks to HORMONES (F U), it lasts 5 days and is moderate-heavy ALL 5 F*CKIN DAYS.  Are you kidding me?!?!  UGH!!!  I don’t know what is worse to deal with, seeing mountains on my face for basically a whole month, or dealing with a crappier monthly friend.  I gotta say, having clear skin is the bomb.

This is why being a woman sucks.  Yes, there are cons to both sexes…but I really just needed to vent 😛

WPCD

Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve written.  This one will be short & sweet.

This Thursday, November 17th is World Pancreatic Cancer Day.  Show your support & spread awareness by wearing something purple.  Post to your social media with hashtag #WageHope and #WPCD!

Tell everyone why you wear purple!  Together we can end pancreatic cancer!

Wage Hope

November marks Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.  November 17th is World Pancreatic Cancer Day – a day I like to represent and spread awareness by wearing something purple.

The reason I like to represent this, is because I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in 2013, and not many people know about this disease!  My mom was diagnosed with Stage 1B pancreatic cancer, which if you’re familiar with cancer, you know Stage 1 is not all that bad.  But pancreatic cancer seems to be different.  Most people diagnosed don’t show symptoms until Stage 4, and die within weeks after initial diagnosis.  This is why it’s important to spread awareness.

Since learning about pancreatic cancer in just 4 short years, it moved from the 4th leading cause of cancer related deaths in the U.S. to the 3rd.  Look at what awareness has done for breast cancer!  Imagine if we could do that for pancreatic cancer too.

So, I invite you to wear something purple on November 17th and share a picture to your social medias representing your purple attire with the hashtags #PANCaware and #WageHope and tell your followers why you represent!

Wise words

I recently read some stuff from financial guru Dave Ramsey, because I’m looking to buy a used car, but I only have my current car as a “down payment”, which isn’t much, so I wanted some advice.  I read this, and thought, “wow, that is so true!”

Dear Dave,

My wife and I are recent graduates with advanced degrees. We also have about $300,000 in student loan debt. We’re thinking about buying a rental property, and the plan is to get a mortgage with monthly payments of $400 and charge $800 in rent. We could use the extra to help pay off our debt. Do you think this is a good idea?

— Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,

Are you serious? You’re in a financial crisis, and you ask if it’s okay to buy a rental property? No, no, no!

Right now, you guys are acting like Congress. You have a huge mess on your hands and you’re both going to have to work like crazy to clean it up. That means living on rice and beans for the foreseeable future. It means no vacations, and you should not see the inside of a restaurant unless you’re working there to make extra money.

Again, no! You should not buy a rental property. Even if you did, this plan assumes that it’s constantly occupied and the renter actually pays. Those are two pretty big assumptions. Use whatever money you have to get out of debt, and live simple, inexpensive lives until you get this behind you.

Stop trying to borrow your way through all of your dreams, Jeremy. Doing that will only turn those dreams into nightmares.

— Dave

For me, I am going to try to stick to this sort of advice.  I am not in huge debt, my credit cards are paid off, and I pay my bills on time.  But, I do have a loan out currently, and I’m not really saving any money.  I have a budget, that I try to follow.  I do take trips though, because in my head, I am single, it’s the perfect time to go to places I’ve never been before, and I want to go somewhere new at least once a year to cross off my bucket list.  It’s hard to say, I won’t spend any money on anything fun until my debt is paid off, but at the same time it makes so much sense.  Thank you, Dave Ramsey!

Acne blows

I am 30 years old, and I have very troubled skin. It appeared out of nowhere, because in my early 20s, I had flawless skin. Seriously, barely any blemishes, smooth skin. I hit 25 and BAM…it was worse than in high school! I started getting breakouts that seemed to last forever, because I’d have a dang red mark leftover for weeks. My chin has always been my problem area, but now it’s even worse, and to top it off, I get breakouts everywhere now: my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, my neck, it’s so annoying. I’ve tried everything. Proactiv used to work for me, but then it just stopped, so I stopped buying it and tried other products. Salicylic acid does absolutely NOTHING for me. Benzoyl peroxide helps but it’s not a cure-all. So far, the only products that have helped are Lush’s Ocean Salt and Lush’s Herbalism. Both have improved my skin, but I still deal with constant breakouts. Makeup only makes it worse. I’ve started wearing makeup to work every day (which includes foundation, sometimes liquid, sometimes powder, or both) because it’s time I stopped bumming around, but since I’ve been doing this, the breakouts have gotten much worse. I use L’Oreal’s True Match liquid and powder foundation. Does anyone out there have some recommendations for face products that won’t make my already troubled skin worse?? I need help!!

Grateful

I am grateful that I have a roof over my head

I am grateful that I have a job with great perks such as free food

I am grateful for my sisters even if they get on my nerves sometimes

I am grateful I have a car

I am grateful for my nieces and nephews for brightening my life

I am grateful for my father

I am grateful for my extended family who show me so much love and support

I am grateful for the experiences in my life

I am grateful for my friends

I am grateful for the trips I’m able to take

I am grateful for my life.

 

What are you grateful for?

Bills, bills, bills

Bills are a part of life.  But, should you really live your life struggling all the time?  I’m a firm believer in taking advantage of trips, seeing friends and family, having fun and doing what you love to do.  It sucks that paying bills has to take away from that.  I have been at my job for 8 years now and am finally making a decent wage, but it’s not enough.  I can barely afford a newer car.  I told my father last night that I don’t want to have to rely on a man to live on my own (I currently live with 3 guys in a house and have gotten to the point where I want my own place), but it seems everyone I know buys a home or condo with their significant other.  I just want to be able to buy my own condo as well as a newer car, because my car is almost at 200,000 miles and it’s just one issue after the other.

 

I am trying not to complain, more just venting.  I know people have it much worse than I do.  I found a car I like, 2013 Toyota.  I also found a condo I like, washer/dryer INCLUDED.  But there is no way I can afford both of these things with my budget.  I currently don’t have a car payment, so getting a new car with just my old one as a down payment is going to make for some car payments that are going to make my budget extremely tight: I’m thinking around $220 maximum.  How am I going to get ahead in life if bills keep adding up?  How do people do that?  For the most part I follow my budget, and it only leaves me with a measly $70 per week to spend on myself.  Gas and groceries are already included in my budget.

 

I just want to know, people with limited budgets like I do, how do you make it work?  I live for travelling and trying something new each year and it’s just tough when your budget is so restricted!